My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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