A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
