Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The struggles of a small town man whore
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
