i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
