that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
