U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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