I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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