what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
