Pappa wants mamma naked
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
