i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
