hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
