If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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