I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
