I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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