Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
