I think I won the penis lottery.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize