great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I currently don't understand fingers.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
