we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
