So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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