I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
