So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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