i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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