Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
