The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
