I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
