i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
