Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wear drunk well.
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