Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
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Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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