I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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