Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Couch. On fire.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
