I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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