Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
