you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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