My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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