the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize