Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize