guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
