i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
