I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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