Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
