i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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