Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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