Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
