I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
