I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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