Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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