I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
