party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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