If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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