wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
