In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
