you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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