I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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