You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
