I heard we made out
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
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you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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