last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
