they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
