Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
