tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
