she smelled like a LAN party
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
