just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
