But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
