just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
