i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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