my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
