The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
