i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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