Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
