In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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