Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
